I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
