How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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