Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
