Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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