hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize