so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
