I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
