Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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