My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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