I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
