THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
