I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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