CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
