What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
PANTIES FOUND
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