I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ketchup is God's man juice
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
