im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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