Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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