we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
