Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
