he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
