got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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