The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
