it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
