Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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