Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize