Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
