apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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