I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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