She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
