I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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