I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
