a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
3pm strippers are depressing
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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