On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
