when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
