I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
