when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
