he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
