guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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