If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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