it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
