The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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