It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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