I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
