There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
