Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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