so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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