it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
