I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
