I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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