She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize