"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
