You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize