there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
