so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
