The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
