Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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