so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
