At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
