Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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