I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
