lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
