I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Pappa wants mamma naked
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
