he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
