we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
