I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
