At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
